"A story - Alienhum"

A story, a story, the glory of a story. Who says that I am? Who is that I be? Oh, I am just stuck in the middle of a very strange place with no ending, no begining. Proceeding in one direction as the decimal places of PI, constantly expanding, never ending. And then the other direction a have been passing e. Oh, if only this would end... end... end...


"Hey myan. like what's up dyood?"

"What? who said that? could it be? nah..."

"Lyike dyood! I'm talkin' to ya! D'you have that bodacious ability to talk, or are you one of those dumb dyoods."

"Of corse I can talk!"

"Well, like totally tubular dyood! I didn't know those strange species like you could actually hablar. Like awesomeee dyood. Vamanos!"

"Que? Yo no comprendes."

"Lyike vato, I don't comprendes your esagnol. You c'n Spreaken Deutsch or parle Francais, but don't you be hablaing that espanol to me"

"Que Lata. I was hoping you were a slightly educated Californian."

"Californian! Dyood! Thanks for the massive compliment. WE dyoods from the planet Stombatyoneweia have been striving for millions of years to emulate the UULLLtimate form of life, the Calyifornian. Lyike radicool dyood"

Californians? The highest? Who would have that that Californians would be the highest forms of life? And we have been constantly teasing them for their strange outlook on life, and their constant psuedolaliing with the tabloids. Maybe this guy even knows about our post mortem conditions. Wow. Like totally tubular. Uh Oh! I am starting to talk like a Californian. I better keep my cool. For all I know this could be some dipsomaniacal sot just finished with his most finished drinking spree.

"Hey dyood? Vwats up?"

"uhh... yeah..."

"Lyike dyood, what's a budget gourmet?"

"A budget gourmet? It's a little meal that you can pop in the microwave and cook real fast. It's similar to a TV dinner."

"A TV dinner? Lyike dyood! Those things are so AWESOME. I would love to get my hand on one of those."

"Well, there is a supermarcado down the street? We could go down there and buy some."

"Holy Artochoke Hearts! That is just tooooo radical of an idea fer me to habdle. I don't think I could go to such a glorious place after only 25744654 Zorestiors on this mundo of yours."

This guy is crazed with the supermarket? This is getting a little strange for me. I wonder how smart he is. I think I will test his inteligence. "Hey, mister. What is the tenth digit of PI?"

"Cummon dyood. Every dyood and his dawg knows that it is three."

Wow, he really does know that. But that could have alays been a lucky guess. I remember in high school there was one friend of mine who got a 1550 on the SAT just by filling in random ovals. I think I will test him with a more difficult problemo. "What is the sqaure root of 441?"

"Will ya stop with da idyot tak? It's 21 a'course."

Hmm. He seems to know some elementry math, but does he know his geography. "Where are you know?"

"Well, based on da chem'cal read'ns from mi scanner, I'm on a plan't made primarily of Oxygen, Carbon, Nitrogen, Deoflopinstonium, and Slinkplotsomestogloglarkiditium."

"Slinkplotsslo... what?"

"Oh yeah. I forget, you ert'l'ngs call it somet'n else. I'll hab to lyook it up."

"Ah, never mind. I think you know what you are talking about, but I was speaking geopgraphically"

"Geographic'ly? Sure, we are in the planet California in the Zimbaswonia system which orbits the star QSZ-12, in Region MCMXLI of the Zimblockso area of the G'laxy Snickers, of District VII estovonklikon, in Universe 3.56784345321."

"Uhhhh... Where did you get that information?"

"Well, y'know you c'n get it at the univerial census office, and it tis even better when using the guidaringcomnic." ??