What Would You Do If a Purple Cow Appeared in Your Room?

If a purple cow suddenly acknowledged its presence in my room, I would dance around in ecstatic jubilation.

Purrple cows are one of the least well understood animals. They like it that way. Well, the cows themselves aren't that difficult to comprehend. The disernment problem arises when they start to do what they do best - be themselves. Purple cows don't operate in the same physical realm that us humans know and love. They were put down on this earth a full day before man, and used that do to the utmost of its effectiveness. They know everything. They have mastered the control of the earth's idiosyncricies. They love to play tricks on men. They also like to help out men, but their advice often backfires.

Purple cows inspired fascism. It was the perfect form of government. Unfortunately Mousilini was an idiot. Oh well! In other areas they had better luck. To help steer the world back on the right track they sent a purple cow down to visit a lowly old high school student, Jeremy Hubble.

"Yo! Jeremy, what's happening," said Bill, the messenger for the cows.

"Oh nothing, cow dude. Ya' know, it's cool. I was just talking about you. Everyone thought I was loony," said Jeremy

"I prithee to enlighten me with the facts of yonder conversation."

"I just asked what they would do if I purple cow suddenly appeared in the hallway."

"Ya, people can be idiots sometimes. Well, listen, let me get to the point before I ramble on with any more Shakespeare-esque speaches, or ultra-long, rambling, run-on, never-"

"Uh, I think I get the point."

"Good! You're a lot quicker than that Benito dude. He was such a dork. Anyway, I came to impart a message of immeasurable importance to you and all humans."

"I'm ready to hear it," said Jeremy.

"First, and foremost, forget everything you learned in junior high."

"That wont take long. What did I learn in Junior high?"

"Hopefully nothing. Now, your quest is to end racism by merging the NAACP and the KKK."