Pink and Purple Fascist Elephants on Mars

Episode Six

A short time ago, in a galaxy quite very near, elephants ruled the universe. However, the people on the earth could care less about what that. Earthlings had never seen pink and purple elephants. According to humans, martians - if they existed - would be little green men who depended upon the melting ice-cap for survival. Boy is man stupid. (Oops, my greatest apologies for the political incorrectness of this statement. - how about "Girl is woman dumb?" - yeah! That'll work.)

Humans have a strange superiority/inferiority complex - for some reason they think everything must behave like them. They seek an explanation for everything. They are so busy trying to explain everything they don't know that they don't have any time to try to apply something they do know. (Oh well, they probably couldn't apply it if they tried - after all they still spend six hours a day staring at a low-resolution, stereophonic cathode-ray tube.) Unfortunately, for humans (and huwomans), the elephants knew that.

While the earthlings were busy debating the origins of the universe, the elephants were plotting a hostile takeover of earth. The elephants knew they were created by the Transcendent Tusked One; they didn't care how - what good would that knowledge do them? They found no need to create an atomic bomb. In fact, they had no need to build any weapons. They never had wars. Instead, they played Neufball. It was a lot more fun, and nobody every got killed. Martians' education was much less structured than earthlings'. The elephants learned what they wanted to, when they wanted. They were very epicurean in nature. They didn't do anything that didn't bring immediate jubilation - unless it was a step in the achievement of perpetual ecstacy.

One elephant was bored with life on mars, and decided the ultimate euphoria could be obtained by surveying the world around. He sent a satelite into space. It discovered earth. He was hysterical when he saw the results. Homo (and Hetero) sapiens.