In 1991 McDonalds exchanged all of its styrofoam packaging for a special insulated paper wrapping in answer to pleas from many an environmental group. This amazing victory against the heartless Corporate America should be celebrated in every earth conscious American home throughout the land. Not only does this mean that the inflated McDonalds gets to spend more money on their packaging, but it gives those stupid kids in that stupid house they sponsor a dose of reality - however mild it may come. This is also a victory for our fine civic engineers. These men could show the makers of the Hubble telescope a thing or two through their almost obsequious obedience to the E.P.A.'s call for anti-biodegradable land fills. These new paper wrappings are providing the test in city dumps across the nation, and from what we've seen so far, the dumps are coming out A.O.K. As everyone knows, styrofoam and plastics, when decomposed, release toxins that can contaminate our land. Because of the unique insulation feature in the paper wrappings now used (another engineering feat), the land fills get to be tested in both ways.
The insulation is a plastic, future toxin while the paper is a harmless, bulky, 100% natural paper product. Now if straight styrofoam and plastics were used, our fine engineers might be overly stressed. Not that that is unsolvable; a stress relief class is only a phone call away at the Mental Health and Mental Retardation Center. But undue stress is still a problem, and if the plastics and styrofoam were actually pounded into the dumps, our Engineers' skills would be too vital- and thus stressful- for their mental health. Sure it would mean a reason for the anti-biodegradable conditions in the landfills, but you never can be too sure. Just like asbestos. Who knows, if McDonalds would not have ceased its styrofoam consumption, some day the death total from toxic landfill contaminated water supplies might even rival that of Asbestos induced cancer (it would be inappropriate to list the actual number in this column, but let's just say that in scientific terms it is related as 110960 to the power of 0).
With the undue stress off of our civic engineers, unfortunately, many MHMR counselors may have to be let go. But with the extra land fills needed to be built to account for the extra size of paper and most everything other than styrofoam and plastic, I don't think finding work will be much of a problem. We should all be thankful for the economic foresight of the environmental groups.
Luckily, the battle against the callous Corporate America is not just being fought by those "other" people. Even here in Temple our wonderful school board, with their educational mission strictly in mind, has waged a battle and won. A short while ago, pernicious "corporates" were trying to infiltrate our halls with posters bearing anti-drug messages. Utilizing an eye for sagacity, they realized that if we are to be responsible, decision making citizens, our fragile minds could not handle the small, one-sided advertisement at the bottom of each poster. Thank goodness we don't have to walk the halls having to bear the effect of one-sided advertising on hallway posters.
What I'm most thankful for, though, is not the wonderful foresight of each and every specialized group. They could never have cajoled the incorrigible corporate giant of McDonalds alone. Only with the help of millions of concerned citizens could this remarkable event come to pass. Oh, the leadership displayed by our selfless, concerned citizens!. They knew, without anyone telling them, that sometimes there's just not enough time to check things out. Sometimes one has to just ride the bandwagon safely home with all his neighbors. 'sides, it keeps the bonds of friendship ever close.
This election year, there are going to be quite a few people telling the American people about how bad the budget is, how bad the economy is, the desperate rejuvenation needed for the world community. Employment's never been this bad before; at least I think that's what Arsenio said last night. Well, my neighbor thought it was funny, and I've always been a peace loving guy; so I'm just going to agree with him. Everyone knows that the only way to get any real progress these days is to bond together, let a few people - the leaders, the media- make the key decisions and examinations, and join the bandwagon. It worked for an esteemed American statesman J. McArthy and even a very successful Austrian-born politician and military leader known as A. Hitler; why not for us today?
(author unknown - me? Brother? Other? )