The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Versus Communism

Michelangelo: Come on dudes, let's party!

Donatello: Oh, come on. We've been partying for months now. Why don't we go out and destroy Shredder?

Raphael:Quiet down, dudes! Can't you see I'm on the phone!

Michelangelo: I didn't know we had a phone.

Leonardo:Well, we do know.

Raphael: Well you guys please be quiet!

Leonardo: You heard the turtle. SHUT UP!

Michelangelo: Chill out, dude. We'll be quiet.

Raphael: (on the phone) yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

Michelangelo: (to himself) he sure is positive today...

Raphael: (on the phone) yes, yes, yes. I see. I dunno, thatcould be some hefty case. But, we'll try it. (he hangs up)

Leonardo:Who were you talking to, Raphael?

Raphael:Some dude named Frederick von Strauss.

Michelangelo:Who the heck is he?

Leonardo:Well you please be quit, Michelangelo. I'm asking the questions, here! Now, Raphael, who the heck is he?

Raphael:He's some righteous dude in East Germany. He wants us to come down to Europe...

Michelangelo:Mama Italia! PIZZA!

Raphael: Sorry, Mike, Italy's a little out of the way.

Michelangelo:Why me? Why me?

Raphael:... and help destroy some wall that's been keeping people in the East from getting pizza.

Michelangelo:Let's go! Turtle Power!

Donatello:(after arriving in Europe) I'm glad I invented this teleportation device. It sure makes it a lot easier to travel.

Leonardo:Who's that dude standing over there?

Michelangelo:He looks like the president.

Donatello:Nah, he's just the party leader.

Michelangelo: Party on dudes!!!! Turtle Power!!!!

Donatello:No, Mike, not that kind of party. He means communist party leader.

Michelangelo:Shucks. So who is he?

Leonardo:Uh... I think he's Erich Honecker.

Raphael:No, dude. Erich got the boot! This dude must be Egon Krenz.

Michelangelo:Uh, why is he letting people tear down that wall there?

Raphael:(sigh) That was the Berlin wall we were supposed to help tear down.

Donatello:Ya mean we're too late? Well, let's go to Italy!

Leonardo:Come on dudes! Let's go! Turtle power.

Donatello:Let's see. I think this button will get us to...

Raphael, Donatello, and Leonardo:Czechoslovakia!

Donatello:Oops... Hey, dudes, everyone makes mistakes. I just need to push this button... Man, the whole thing's broken!

Leonardo:How long will it take you to fix it?

Donatello:About 2 minutes. Give or take 4 hours.

Leonardo:We'll explore this place, and come pack for you.

Raphael:What is there to explore in Czechoslovakia?

Michelangelo:Well they had the winter olympics here a few years ago.

Leonardo:That was YUGOslavia, as in the cheap car. This is CZECHOSLOVakia, as in what you do when you think your out of gas.

Michelangelo:Chill out man! I was close. Why don't we ask some dude what goes on in Czechoslovakia. ( to a Czech man) What chills down her with you Czechs?

Vaclav Havel:The winters get very cold here.

Leonardo:He means, what are you doing?

Havel:He just removed the communist government from power. Now we are working on restructuring our economy, and launching this country into the mainstream.

Donatello: This dude has some heavy plans!

Michelangelo:Your telling me! Hey, guy, why don't you like the commies?

Havel:The communist have greatly hurt our economy. They have forced our industrial technology to fall back to an archaic state. They have also caused our economy, relative to Austria's to fall 40%.

Leonardo:Did they do anything to you dudes, or did they just mess up your awesome country.

Havel:They did great harm to me individually. I was once a great Czechoslovakian writer. I grew up in a family apartment that my grandfather built. My family was quite wealthy, and we had plenty of books to read. Then, the communist regime came. They forced us to live in a small corner of the apartment. They also denied me the opportunity to go to night school...

Michelangelo:Those commies sound like the type of dudes that don't like anchovies and peanut butter on their pizzas. I'm glad I didn't live here!

Leonardo:Michelangelo, let the man continue.

Michelangelo:Sorry, dude. I was just trying to liven up the story.

Havel:...But, I didn't let them stop my education. I drove a taxi during the day, and went to school at night, and read continuously. When I was in my 20's, I voyaged toward Prague's Balustrade theatre. There I got a job as a stagehand...

Michelangelo:or was it a stage foot? HaHaHaHa

Raphael:Chill out, Mike!

Havel:...There I met my wife, Olga, and started my playwrighting career. I loved making plays that satirized the communists. But they didn't like the plays. They banned all my works...

Michelangelo:Well, what did you expect them to do? Give you a pizza party?

Raphael:I said, chill with the comments!

Havel:...But, I didn't let that stop me. I continued to write. My works sold well in the West, where they were critically acclaimed. I made enough money that I was able to afford a Mercedes Benz. I drove it every day, to my $50 a week job at a brewery...

Michelangelo:I don't see how people can drink that stuff with their pizza.

Leonardo:SHUT UP!

Havel: ...Soon after, I help found the human-rights organization, Charter 77. The communists didn't like me, so they sent me to prison. Once I got out, I continued to protest communism. The people want me to be president, now, in our newly established democratic government.

Leonardo:Wow! We're speaking to one righteous dude, now!

Michelangelo:(yawn.) but I still don't see any pizza.

Leonardo:Thanks, dude.

Havel:Thank you very much. (he leaves)

Raphael:I'm bored. Let's go find some action.

Leonardo:I wonder if Donatello has the machine fixed yet.

Raphael:(after reaching Donatello) Did you get the thing fixed?

Donatello:Yeah, it works now. I took it for a little test ride, and found this great place in Europe. Violence, violence, and more violence. These dudes are trying to assassinate their leader.

Michelangelo:Cowabunga! Turtle Power!

Leonardo: (after they travel with the machine) Where are we now?


Michelangelo:Who's the dude they are trying to kill?

Leonardo:Nicolae Ceausecu. He had hundreds of peaceful demonstrators shot.

Donatello:That was the violence I was talking about.

Raphael:But where is it now? I don't see any violence.

Donatello:You have to go to the right place. Before, I accidentally landed in the middle of a great trial. These dudes are trying to get rid of Ceausecu.

Michelangelo:Let's go watch!

Leonardo:What is it with you, Mike?

Michelangelo:Com'on. Turtle Power!

Raphael:(after arriving at the trial) Look, they have already pronounced him guilty!

Leonardo:Look what they are doing to him.

Michelangelo:It's like totally awesome dude!

Donatello:I'm glad they finally got rid of that scum. He was sure raising havoc in this country. Let's try to get back home now.

Michelangelo:Yeah. I'm getting hungry. Let's go to Italy.

Raphael:COWABUNGA, dudes!